Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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