When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
