Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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