I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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