did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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