it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They took my balls.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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