Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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