woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
