You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
