I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
