unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize