Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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