Your face is a jimmy john
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
