shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
