I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
