so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
