ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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