I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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