Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
