I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Less talking, more tequila
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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