Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
