Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
