Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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