i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
