those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
