Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize