In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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