I have demons in me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
