What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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