it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
