I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
