I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
