So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
