Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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