ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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