Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
