Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
