I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My dick has a subreddit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
