This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
