don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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