She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That was before I lit my hair on fire
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
