it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
