You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
