I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
