Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
