I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
