Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
