I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
