we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
