he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
