Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
