I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
