she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i would one night stand the shit outta him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating