he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.