WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?