I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.