She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
