you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased