Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Mom said you looked used
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"