if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?