omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
