So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
