Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
