last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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