Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
