One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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