Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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