i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
