found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I pour the whiskey from now on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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