I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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