My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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