How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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