We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
