dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
