carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
how drunk are you?
Several
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
