somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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