defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
