im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
