Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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