Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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