I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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